Crazy Things We Say

When they are not complaining, crying, fighting or coming down with a cold, my kids are tons of fun. I love the way they think and I love that they both have a quirky sense of humor. Here's the last year or so worth of quotable quotes - just the ones that really tickled.



January 2013


Claire: "I've got static hair. I need it to leave me alone."

Claire trying, with difficulty, to make a fort with pillows: "Does this thing need therapy or something?"
Audrey, in reply: "There is no such thing as therapy for pillows."

February 2013

Claire: "OK, I cannot understand this conversation."

Melissa: "Not all dirt is dirty."

Claire: "Why my toenails get so long is because I can't bite them."

Audrey to Claire: "Understand, rubber band?"
Claire in reply: "I'm not a rubber band. I'm not even sphere shaped."

Claire with her feet in Melissa's face: "Which one smells better?"

March 2013

Claire's opinion on whether she'd let people take tours of the White House if she were the president: "I wouldn't mind. Well, I wouldn't let them jump on the beds or anything."

Audrey to Claire after some debate about the need for clothing: "Yea, everyone wears clothes. If they didn't, what would happen?"
Claire in reply: "Police."

Claire on March 21 - the day before her birthday: "Always call me your 5 year old - even when I'm grown up.
Melissa, in reply: "OK, sniff."

Claire at 7:30 AM on her birthday: "I'm not too 6 yet."

Claire to Dad at bedtime on her birthday: "Sometimes, I lick my knee."

Claire: "What's a handy-down?"

Claire to the boy next door, who was searching for a missing Easter egg, not long after Dad shared some of Yoda's best wisdom with her and Audrey: "There is no try!"

March 26 Claire's first loose tooth

April 2013

April 23 - Claire loses her first tooth at Disneyland

May 2013 
Nothing

June 2013

Melissa to family during a word of the week discussion: "What does 'virtue' mean?"
Claire, in reply: "You have a cold."

Claire: "I'm not afraid of mice and porcupines, I'm only afraid of their pokes."

Audrey to Claire: Get off me, you're in your underwear!"
(Later that same day) Claire to Audrey: "I"m trying to hug you!"
Audrey in reply: "I'm trying to stop you hugging me."

Audrey playing the piano.
Mark to Audrey: "What is that song?"
Audrey answers: "'I Will Be Violent.'"
Mark corrects: "'I Will Be Valiant?'"
Audrey: "Whatever."

Claire: "I don't get what I am talking about."

Audrey: "Did I just lose my tooth!?"
Mom and Dad: "Yes! Where is it?"
Audrey: "I don't know! I think I swallowed it! Oh, here it is."

Claire after going out for Chinese food: "My fortunes are getting crumpled!"

July 2013

Claire: "I can't believe today is summer's birthday."

Audrey: "I was laughing so hard I was making no noise."

Claire after trying and failing to get a neighbor boy to do what she wanted: "I tried to fake cry, but I didn't
have any water."

August 2013

Claire: "I just turned starving."

Audrey to Papa (George Bean) while camping in San Clemente: "Could you please stop burping every 10 minutes?"
Papa to Audrey: "Who are you talking to?"

Other miscellaneous and mostly unattributable quotes from our camping trip:
"I call this a fun day."
"The crows ate our bacon."
"Is that a bat?"
"A skunk tried to get in our garbage last night." (Mark)
"An ant crawled across my face." (Melissa)
"It's more fun to spank people when they're naked."
"It's OK, I didn't get any in my mouth."

Mark to Claire: "Do you know what an appetizer is?"
Claire, in reply: "Yes, it's the part of the dinner that you eat before you say the prayer."

Audrey after a traumatic dental appointment and a really bad fall within two days: "I'm going to keep a pillow over my face."

Audrey: "I don't know how big a football field really is. When you see it on TV it's shrinkenerized."

August 21: Audrey loses 2 teeth in one day
August 22: Claire loses her second tooth ever

September 2013

Audrey: "If burps smelled our house would be perfumed disgusting."

Melissa to Claire: "I'm moody."
Claire, in reply: "You mean you're like a cow?"

Audrey tells Claire to hit her mute button.
Claire to Audrey: "I don't have any mutant buttons! There is no mutant button on me!"
Audrey, in reply: "MUTE!"

Claire at the dinner table: "These are so good. I haven't even tasted it yet."
Audrey's opinion: "I don't think that's funny enough for the calendar."

Mark to Claire at bedtime: "Pretend that you are a butterfly and your bed is a giant tulip."
Claire in reply: "I'm an ARMADILLO."

October 2013

Audrey to Claire: "Sitting on me doesn't help. Ow, you're standing on my hair. You just kneed me in the ear."
Claire in reply: "Sorry."

Melissa: "Is it smoky in here?"
Claire farts.
Audrey: "It is now."

November 2013
Claire to Melissa: "You should see your hair - it looks like some kind of monster."

Audrey: "Sometimes, I dry my hands on my hair."

Claire making up words: "Corn-dinator is the person who coordinates corn."

December 2013

Claire: "I'd better eat something or I'm going to get grouchy."

Audrey: "No offense to pigs, but I really like bacon."

Claire on Santa: "The good thing about Santa is we get presents and we don't have to pay for them. Maybe he uses our taxes to buy them."

Melissa to Claire at bathtime: "Lean back, I need to un-soap your hair."
Claire in reply: "Un-soap? You mean rinse. Un-soap is not a word."

January 2014

Claire calling the medium-sized spider in her room a "teenager daddy long leg"

February 2014

Claire: "Never leave old snacks in your backpack or it will smell like shoes."

Audrey after offering to give Claire a horseback ride: "You can't ride me unless you have pants on."

March 2014 
Nothing

April 2014 


Claire heading for the cabin after several skunk encounters during our stay at El Capitan Canyon: "I've had enough skunk experience."

Claire: "I wonder if animals fart..."

Claire: "Nobody talks more than home-schoolers."

Melissa: "Not EVERY dinner has to be about farts."