Audrey's 9

For the past year I have been anticipating the huge change that would come over our household with two kids in school. I've broken my heart a thousand times thinking about how Claire would be growing up and away from us now that she's in kindergarten. And what has completely caught me off guard is the reality that Audrey is on the very cusp of big kid status. 9 is not a little kid anymore.

Maybe it's a good thing that I did not try to digest all of it at once; and I've had time enough to adjust to Claire's huge leap that I'm ready with the mental tactics I need to handle Audrey's new stage. I was not so good at the baby/toddler/preschool stage - too many unknown quantities, too much pressure, too much manual labor, never enough time or energy or help. Now they're bigger and more self sufficient and can go all sorts of places without heavy supplies and equipment; now they're more careful; now we talk; now they are adorable, and much more predictable. It's always going to be bittersweet, so I accept the bitter and will enjoy the sweet. I miss my babies - I love my girls.

Audrey was always very engaged. If she was napping I could not walk by her door or she would wake up and want to play. We stayed home a lot at first, and when I finally got brave enough to take her to the park - she was giddy. We went back the next week and when she saw the play structure she squealed and kicked her little feet with joy - she couldn't talk or walk, but she knew where we were and she was so excited. Audrey was not a cuddly baby or toddler - she had too much to do. She would sit and listen to a story or play with a game, but quiet moments, long hugs and snuggles were not the interaction she craved - she wanted to move.

Audrey was our first and so every part of the day was planned around her needs; every activity was organized around her entertainment from getting dressed to eating to going for walks to getting a bath. She still likes a lot of involvement in her daily schedule. I'm not sure we will ever cure her of that. She wants company, feedback, answers, approval, 'thank yous,' 'good jobs' and good wishes.

She is a great student - doing great at spelling and math and art and PE. Enjoys her 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Will. Loves her friends and tries to be the peacemaker. Plays with her sister hilariously. Reads a book a day. Still won't eat fruit or most vegetables. Likes cheeseburgers, pizza, tostadas, split pea soup with ham, cheese sticks, apples. Has pierced ears. Just got glasses - finally - and enjoys telling us the amazing things she can see now. Loves physical comedy. Doesn't mind being at the bottom of a good dog pile. Isn't crazy about homework -"Who invented homework?!" she says angrily. Resisted the piano but now seems to have settled in, likes her teacher, and plays well.

Now she wants quiet time with mom or dad - invites us to have SSR (sustained silent reading) together or "talks," especially with mom, about various and sundry social situations, memories, dreams, possible birthday presents, miscellaneous itches, and patterns in her own behavior that must be examined. Audrey gets frustrated with us bossing her around all the time and shows her displeasure in the usual ways - eye rolling, grimacing, sighing, grunting, stomping and slamming doors. We are trying to change our ways, trying to to show her the respect and autonomy a 9 year old deserves. It's going pretty well.

There is so much that remains to be seen. I'm always trying to figure out who she is and what she needs from me. These days there is less and less I can do - I'm just here to listen and show my support and love. I worry my head off like any other mom, but I have confidence in her. She's tough, and kindhearted, energetic and curious, a thinker and a doer, a sweetheart.

Joyriding with Papa

Fourth of July bike parade

Cheerleading at the high school

With partner in crime Abby

Balance beam in Yosemite