School started weeks ago

And finally, I'm posting a few pictures. Audrey got a good teacher this year, has lots of friends in her class, and luckily gets year off from the "bad" boy she's had in her class the last two years, the boy who taught her bad words and whose behavior dominated much of our after school exchanges. Phew. She was not too excited to start out but when she saw her friends she cheered up. Second grade does not offer parents any time to say goodbye - we were asked to leave as soon as the bell rung without any kind of orientation or photo ops. I guess that's appropriate. Claire bawled and I definitely felt her pain - she and Audrey played together almost nonstop this summer and they really love each other; I cried, too, just facing the truth this milestone makes so glaring: my little baby is not a baby at all anymore, in fact, from here on out she's just going to be more and more independent of me. Mark took it in stride, as he does with most things, but I know it hits him, too, that our kids are moving into a new stage.

A few days later Claire went to her first day of preschool with her cute backpack and wearing her new outfit. She was more than happy to wave goodbye to me, didn't hesitate or even shed a tear. She has the same teacher that Audrey had years ago at Good Shepherd preschool, Mrs. Dewart. Several of the teachers there remember Claire's birth and seeing her as an infant, and they all share my surprise that she's already old enough to be enrolled.







Mark offered me as much comfort as he could and went to work. I cried my head off all the way home and when I walked in the door I knew it was a good thing I had planned to play tennis with a friend. The house was so empty and so inexcusably messy with no kids in it to justify the jumble of toys and clutter and clean laundry waiting to be folded. I also felt a strange sense of foreboding and realized it was 8 years of habitual vigilance with no outlet - I had no one to look out for - all of my protective and intuitive inclinations were still going strong, but there was no one who needed them. So I grabbed my racquet and ran out as quickly as I could. Tennis was a blast and I felt better. Three hours goes by quickly and Claire was home with me again, happy and tired. It's been a few weeks and I have adjusted. I am still a little uncomfortable when she is gone, still working out that maternal instinct that tells me if I can't see my little one she must be in danger, but I'm not crying that's for sure - I can get a lot done in three hours, or nothing. Claire loves school and wants to go every day like Audrey. I think we'll both be ready when kindergarten starts, but thank goodness that's a year away. Baby steps.