Audrey's haircut

We've moved in

We're in our new house and just spent the last 10 days with no stove, refrigerator, phone, cable or internet. Anyone have a straitjacket? Because I am losing it. I have pioneer blood on one side and Mexican outlaw on the other so you'd think my survival skills would be better, but I am not much for roughing it.

Anyway, when we get done working on the house, which most people say is something that will never happen, (thanks for the encouragement), (we all know how patient and long-suffering I am), we'll be pretty pleased with ourselves. For now we are just pleased to have TV again. Wish us luck! MBS

Poop happens

Some of you know me better than others and if you knew me way back when, you know I used to have quite a potty mouth. The swearing peaked in middle school, tapered off in junior high and high school (I didn’t want to be THAT girl) and stopped almost completely at BYU (swearing not being the thing to do in Provo, obviously). Now that I am a mother I do my absolute best never to swear in front of my children, because nobody wants to hear a four year old saying “Oh, crap!” But I still occasionally swear when under severe distress.

So here I am bathing my two daughters, sweet things, and my little Claire gets a funny look on her face and lifts up one tiny bottom cheek. I think: “She’s not going to poop in the bathtub. She’s NOT going to poop in the bathtub! Oh, my gosh! She’s going to poop in the bathtub! Oh, bleep!”

And it was just like one of my favorite jokes from elementary school: three guys meet a genie and she promises change them into whatever they wish if they will only jump off a cliff and shout their wish out loud. The first guy runs off the cliff and yells “eagle” and flies away. The second guy jumps off the cliff and shouts "hawk" and flies away. The third guy, an individual of low intelligence, obviously, runs toward the cliff and trips at the edge. He yells, “Oh, bleep!” and plops to the ground in a smelly heap.

Just as I say “Bleep!” out loud two little poops float up behind Claire and head straight toward Audrey who exits the bathtub with superhuman speed (the instinct to avoid touching poop runs deep, and my screaming might have been some motivation).

I was briefly paralyzed by my revulsion. Audrey was safe on the bathmat, but Claire was watching the poops bob along and reached out to grab one. She stopped – my screaming might have been some motivation – and I grabbed her and threw both girls into the shower to wash them off. And then I did something that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. I guess you aren’t really a supermom until you are fishing poop out of the bathtub with your bare hands. And then what do you do after your baby poops in the bath and you have to clean it up with YOUR BARE HANDS? Burn down the house, seal off the bathroom forever, chop off your hand? (Obviously not a good idea, no hand to spare, but I’m typing this so, relax, I didn’t do it).

Of all the magical abilities out there, making poop appear just by saying it out loud is not the one I would choose. But I will never forget Audrey’s lightning-fast reaction (my toys! my toys!) or Claire’s strategic cheek lift. And I have always loved that joke. I’d like to sum up this story by vowing I'll never to say that word again, but that would be a lie.

Claire's walking

Not the best video, but you can see she's really doing it.

We bought a house!

We still aren't sure how it happened and I may never know what "escrow" actually means, but we finally did it and we are pretty excited. Obviously, it needs some work (ex: ugly bush in front), but it has a lot of good points: 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, two family rooms, new wiring and plumbing, a relatively new roof, backyard with a lemon tree, and a great location in Torrance (CA) only 3 miles from where we live now. We get the keys June 26. Anyone want to help us move?

Happy Mother's Day!

With love from, Audrey and Claire (who can't be convinced to pose for a picture together)

Mark does Italy

Mark just got back from a week in Italy - two days flying, three days in Milan for work, and two days to see the sites of Rome. We exchanged many cryptic text messages about his cheap lodgings and my long nights with teething Claire. In the end, we all had a great time. He spent hours and hours in museums I would have considered torturous, walked 800 miles, saw the Vatican, the Coliseum and the Trevi fountains, had some terrible manicotti, and shared a bathroom at his "hotel." My parents came to stay which means that, more or less, I had a live-in cook, chaffeur, and 24-hour babysitting for 4 whole days. We hope to see Italy as a family some day in the future - minus the budget hotel and bad pasta. He took a picture of his murky manicotti, but I decided to post the coliseum instead - much more beautiful.

Another great quote from Audrey

On our way to do a little browsing at a local resale shop:
"What do you buy at a sucking-hand store?

Mommy at 6 pm

Here's what I look like at the end of a long day in mommyland. Notice the scraggly hair and dazed expression. What you can't see is the jumble of toys, crackers, cheerios, books, and rejected clothing that's piled knee-high all around me. I hear these are the best times of my life - but that's only from people whose children are all grown and wiping their own bottoms, as well is living on their own and holding down jobs, etc. But, yes, it's true, these are good times, despite my being in charge of the bowel movements of two people other than myself. No, really, these are the good times, but being a mom is hard! I love my kids like crazy - and I go a little crazy trying to keep up with them. Melissa

A few good laughs...

Audrey has delivered some killer lines this week. Hope you enjoy them, too.

On trying on swimwear:
In the dressing room at the mall today, shopping for a swimming suit, Audrey said something NO female has ever said before:
"Oh, I LOVE trying on bathing suits!"

On being nutty:
Audrey: "I'm a peanut."
Mark: "What kind of nut is Claire? A walnut?
Audrey: "Yeah."
Mark: "What kind of nut is Daddy? A pine nut?
Audrey: "Yeah."
Mark: "What kind of nut is mommy?"
Audrey: "A donut!"
(note from Melissa: Mark's back was turned to me during this funny little exchange. However, I could almost see his brain go into overdrive trying to come up with a nut that would characterize me appropriately. He could not have been prouder than when Audrey said it for him.)

On daddy's "anatomy":
"His front looks like a turkey."